Is this the new standard for good parenting? A list of ‘politically correct’ rules for saying good things about your child?
A quote from the article: “4. Follow ‘the bragging formula.’ Another common piece of advice — each time you criticize someone, you should give multiple compliments — applies equally well in reverse. Each boast about a child should come surrounded by three negatives. My son is on the honor roll (but still wets his bed).”
Yikes. No wonder so many kids today are turning out poorly, and throwing in the towel early.
The truth is that almost anything you say about anyone will get back to them. ‘Anyone’ includes your kids.
Do you want your kids to know you believe in them or not?
If you say ‘they do well, but they still have many flaws’, all your kids will hear is ‘I have so many flaws’.
Anyone who has been on the receiving end of ‘a complement + a criticism’ knows what it feels like. It’ll be remembered as a criticism.
Another quote from the article: “2. Brag about effort, not accomplishment.”
So we want our kids to think it is effort, not accomplishment that counts? I don’t have a problem with bragging about both effort and accomplishment, but if all your child ever hears is ‘good effort, keep it up’, they may do just the opposite.
As an example, which of the following would you prefer? “You have a long ways to go, but keep up the effort” or “Wow, look at how much you have accomplished in such a short period of time”? You know how discouraging compliments based on ‘effort’ feel. If you talk about ‘effort’ to encourage your child, don’t be surprised if they get discouraged in short order.
If you have friends who can’t take it when you say good things about your child, find some new friends. You don’t need naysayers and critics influencing your child’s life.
Your child can accomplish great things. All he or she needs is your support, some hard work, opportunity, and plenty of encouragement.