Being single means being confused. Everyone is so confused that they don’t even know what words to use when describing their relationships.
He has a good point: being single today is confusing. Men and women lead each other on with smiles that mean “I kind of like you” instead of “I would like to date you.” This modern cacophony of dishonest signals leads to awkward conversations where the man asks for a date, and the woman says “I’m sorry, you’re attractive, but you’re not my type.” It also leads to a different woman pursuing the same man, only to never get asked out on a date.
I’m currently a young person, so I know the dating culture he’s talking about, and it exists in the church, too. I actually stopped attending one Bible study, because it was a glorified club for flirting with other people. And it was a very confusing club, because you could not tell whether a girl liked that other guy, you, or both, because everyone likes everyone else a little, and no one asks anyone else out. And the guys who did ask girls out usually got their hearts broken.
But Mr. Walsh goes on to blame men for the confusion:
When did men become so afraid to make a commitment, to take the lead, to say what they want, to make long term plans, to set goals, to pursue, to talk about the future?
I will tell you when he became afraid. The man became afraid after he saw how men are ridiculed in his church. He saw how many women tell their husbands what to do, like those men were their employees. He noticed many women complain about their “hubbies” in public. He learned that many men have their hobbies relegated to the garage, or a “man cave,” three hours of free time on the weekend, and 1% of the budget he earns for his family… while the man’s wife has the rest of the house, controls 80% of the budget, and schedules the entire week’s chores and activities. He knows that half of marriages end in divorce, and a majority of divorces are initiated by the woman. And he long ago learned that most divorce judges give custody and alimony to the woman.
Men want to have an intimate lifelong partnership just as much as women do. But we won’t sign on the dotted line if the cost is what makes us men. We have earning power and value, we work hard in our jobs and businesses, we make good decisions, and we don’t deserve to be treated like children. We have our own interests and hobbies, and those don’t deserve ridicule, publicly or privately. We contribute the majority of the household’s budget once we are married, and we don’t deserve to be treated like an employee.
Mr. Walsh: Do you want to know why men, including Christian men, aren’t looking for lifelong commitments? Look at the church, and ask yourself whether any man wants to go there once a week for the rest of his life. Get to the root of why men are disengaging from society, and you’ll learn why men prefer to be single.